A little help from my friends….

So, my oldest sister, who totally raised me till I was 8, as mother didn’t, has been battling cancer for the past two years.

shes one of the bravest women I’ve ever known, and even when her lungs filled up with tumours making it impossible for her to breathe, without being attached to oxygen 24/7 , whenever I texted her as to how she was feeling, coz she couldn’t talk, thanks to the fucken tumours in her lungs, she’d always txt back that she felt FINE. Never ever has she complained once, about the pain, the nausea or anything else.

in fact, when she lost her hair due to the first chemo treatment, her attitude was “it’s no problem, it’ll grow again, and they say new hair is super soft ” she’s always had a full, thick head of hair.

I received a message from her Son today, to tell me that she’s suddenly, drastically gone down. She woke up this morning, feeling very ill, and can’t even walk. So basically, they don’t expect her to make it through the weekend even.

I need help.

She lives in South Africa. I’m in the U.K. So, I’d have to fly out to her, which I’m shit scared of, due to my mental illness. I won’t cope with the trauma on my own, and my husband can’t accompany me if I make this trip. All my kids have told me not to go, due to my conditions, and I don’t know if I’ll even get to her before she passes away. There’s no way of knowing.

i adore her. What should I do?

let life take its course, and accept that what IS just IS? I am powerless against this disease. I can’t make her better.

or, should I fly out to hopefully see her before she passes, risking my mental illness going out of control?

please give me your thoughts. I need help!



8 thoughts on “A little help from my friends….

  1. Deborah, things in life isn’t as easy or clear as it might appear. The right thing is to visit those we love especially if we believe this visit might be the last one. I think it’s better than regretting it later. However, in your case, your family have better ability to judge the situation. They can’t travel with you. So, it’s difficult for you to travel alone. If they can do it with you… Otherwise, your options are limited. I believe your sister will excuse you… Keep praying, this might be of a help.
    I truly wish I can help… My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sister.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Mohamad. I’ve decided to go, whatever it takes, because if it were me, I’d be very grateful and comforted surrounded with my loved ones. My mental condition can curl up in a ball, and I’ll medicate the hell out of it. I have to try. Thanks so much for taking the time to advise me. I appreciate it so. Xx


    2. Hey Mohamad. Well, she died yesterday. I wasn’t able to get there on time. In any event, I’ve had a kidney infection, and she was terrified of catching it (which isn’t possible), but when you cling with all of your heart and soul to life, I guess you lose it. Thanks for your concern and love. I truly appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I’m really sorry to hear this. I’m sorry for your lose. May her soul rest in peace in paradise. My sincere condolences for you and your family. I pray you get well too. Please let me know if I can be of any assistance…


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