I’ve defriended my vacuum cleaner!

housework humour

I’ve never ever enjoyed housework, EVER! I find it the most tedious, boring, stressful, sneeze inducing horrible thing we have to do. I’ve now defriended my vacuum cleaner!

The friendship is….over! NO, I won’t take to sweeping and mopping on the floor, as in my mind, it seems perfectly fine, to give this ‘cleaning thing’ another 6 months, while I recover from my day of spring cleaning my house.

Seems my ‘cute little cottage’, has the floor space of another Planet! 

You see, my Daughter is coming to visit me today, all the way from Spain. So, of course, Mama must have the house clean right? Not that my house is ever dirty, I just don’t do OCD stuff, and ‘clean’ in my mind, is perhaps not the same as in other’s minds LOL…

So yesterday I decided to clean, and suddenly, out of the blue OCD launched a war on my brain, and I couldn’t stop! I bleached, mopped, wiped, dusted, scrubbed, degreased, in fact, anything you can think of, I did. I even went INSIDE the empty cupboards in the spare bedroom, and scrubbed them clean!! OK, I realise I’d lost the plot when I was too tired to then start vacuuming…So, like any sensible person would do. I decided I’d chill for a while, as the sweat ran from every orifice in my body. Got myself a nice cool lemon juice and checked out your blogs. AAAH! there are SO many to read! Instant panic attack!!

I love what you guys write, so I actually read what you’ve written and not just throw an arbitrary ‘like’ at your work.

So…..I then thought ‘oh what the hell, clearly I’m not going to get through all of the blogs, so I may as well finish this and vacuum’.


I’ve NEVER sweated, nearly fell down the stairs twice, whilst holding the bastard thing as I did the stairs, as much as the ‘vacuuming’ made me sweat. I mean, this is NOT a job for the feint of heart. This is a mammoth, huge, horrible job that requires skill.

Why skill? well, not only does the lucky person who has to vacuum, have to lug a heavy loud machine around, (without tripping over the loooong cable, or hooking ornaments off of tables by mistake),  but also, he or she has to manoeuvre the pipe to clean in those awful irritating little places that only a baby’s hand would fit into. Then, working the stairs with a vacuum cleaner is an art all on it’s own. Have I done this before? you might be wondering….:)

Well yes of course..however, not scrubbed and polished and changed bedding and and and, then vacuuming a house that has carpets in EVERY room, all on the same day without pause.! So last night saw my body in such pain, not even a strong painkiller eased it.

With a very sad sigh of acceptance, I’ve realised (oh dear), that not only am I desperately unfit, but more importantly, I’m simply not a woman who likes the vacuum cleaner! So if I were a grown woman in the 60’s, and my Husband bought me a vacuum cleaner for xmas, which seemed to be the norm, I’d shove it so far up his nought it’d suck the life outta him! ……….Kind of how I felt after vacuuming!

We have yet to make friends again…I might need a session with my shrink before another attempt!!

This can be seriously traumatising to some people!! Vacuum cleaners should come with a damn warning!

So now I can read your blogs with interest and joy, as I wait for my Daughter to arrive, with said enemy packed away in a cupboard, far away!


6 thoughts on “I’ve defriended my vacuum cleaner!

    1. Ahh cool. Thanks. Coz this piece of crap isn’t getting used anymore ever! The bedding bit I’ll pretend doesn’t matter. Lol 🤗🌹😘

      Liked by 1 person

    2. LOL Madam Ed, I think I’d best just get that spinning thingy that you posted, with that cute dog that kept turning it off. That seems my style 🙂 OR….thanks for the advice. If I can’t get that spinning thingy, I’ll get a Dyson. This piece of crap isn’t working for me at all!!


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