Adventures in Online Dating

Oh what glorious times we live in my friends, times where you can order anything you want online! Whether it’s a movie, shirt, a ride, or even a new spouse! That’s right find your new one and only for just $29.99 a month*

*some exclusions apply and quantities may be limited


So in this time of instant gratification, what’s that mean for love and romance? With apps like Tinder and Grindr, it seems like it’s never been easier to find love in our fast paced society. So I decided to see for myself and delve into the spooky depths of online dating.

First and foremost I picked an app suited for me; I decided on Tinder and set up a profile. Tinder is linked up to Facebook(which gave me a small heart attack). My family already bugs me around the holidays for being single, I had no desire to advertise my loneliness. Luckily Tinder doesn’t post on Facebook, it just uses your information. So, after a series of small hiccups (my Facebook says I’m an 76 year old man seeking women…a story for another time) I picked someone and went on my first date in years.

Date One was in his early 30’s, an entrepreneur, and a nerd; a good start. Then came up one of my least favorite questions: what are you mixed with?

Ugh. Just ugh.
So after awkwardly joking about how insulting that actually is and explaining my background, his eyes narrowed and he practically shouted “Wait your dad is black?”
Again ugh.
“Yes.” I explained as calmly as I could,”He was born in Haiti where his mother was from. His father was from Sicily,”

“Oh okay! So he’s only half, so that makes you like a quarter… That’s good.”

So after my racist math lesson, I excused myself to ladies room, called an Uber, and got the hell out of there.


So Date One 1/10


Until next week!

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